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Facing the chaotic aura surrounding me after the past several weeks is completely overwhelming. But, I am reminded the importance of my boundaries in maintaining the careful balance of order and chaos. I may be barely holding on, but I know God’s light and infinite love continues to shine. As I see it’s golden reflection, I see the beauty forged in the fire. A beautiful alchemy of elements, but a fiery reaction that burns more fuel than I have to offer. I must have faith in God and remember that EVERYTHING is in His plan and that I should only burn the fuel that I have to burn so that I can be healthy to do His work today, tomorrow and forever. But I know His love is infinite and in Him I can trust to restore me because what I am doing is aligned with what He has asked of me.

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Thoughtful I must be in my purpose, for the hourglass is ticking, and my future remains divided. This transformational moments appears as though a future only exists where passion and enlightenment are avoided, but they are in fact a duality.

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Behind this playful image, I feel vividly broken and heartbroken l, but this is what healing and self-love looks like. God’s wink reminds me that this is all part of his plan, and that keeps me hopeful.

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God’s divine protection, invisible everywhere, supports the Great Wall confining the inferno within, so that yesterday’s mistakes don’t resemble tomorrows everything.

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Growing means often feeling lost and trapped. Sometimes the fiery sky over the dark road feels like certain apocalypse. But in moderation and acceptance, instead of fleeing, the peaceful pasture appears. Peaceful it is indeed!

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God, I am focused and determined to leave the chaos behind. Under your guidance and forged by the fire of my past, which was all part of your plan, I have found the courage to be intimate. I may look angry, but it is the fear from yesterday's trauma. But I have finally discovered the green pastures - for it is intimacy, connection and acceptance that fill my soul. I am ready to create a life that is poetry in motion. May my love and healing one day influence a billion lives. Amen.

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Behold! What a joy is it to live in a world where yesterday's chaos and overwhelm are fully contained in just a few frenetic spheres. Not so long ago, it seemed there was no options, yet today there are so many bright paths in the infinite field of vibrant energy that surrounds me. While the spheres may flash and try to push me back, I can now appreciate them as a part of the genius in the divinely crafted plan for my life.

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I didn't think I had the inner power to choose to stop a life of connecting with alien Gods. But then I discovered the life force of sexual transmutation. The boiling, radiant energy that feeds turbo enlightenment. Bringing that energy outward to my hands and head, I now am physically connected to the divine light within and can transform the world around me and execute my mission unstoppably.

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The powerful flame of passion fueled by the heavenly energy that burns within me can never be extinguished. At times I lose emotional sobriety, feeling as if the torch has dulled, as if I must reignite it, but never! as its resilience is it's Divine nature. No matter how dark my days get, there is always hope, because the torch lights the path to a bright future, even when I cannot see the future by simply showing me the next step. Surrendering to God's plan is the key to my recovery and a never ending source of inspiration. Knowing that I am unconditionally loved and having immense gratitude for the gifts I have been given, my motivation to seek this presence is everlasting.

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My discipline has opened the doors to freedom and shown me an infinite sea of possibilities imbued in divine light. While seeming jumbled, the pool of lava is forming a new world where opportunity meets preparation and past barriers are gone.

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I have so much gratitude for my journey in overcoming hurt. Until I was able to understand what it meant to be truly honest with myself, I didn't understand what it meant to experience a different, deep love, not the selfish ____ which is about how I feel, but the selfless commitment of unconditionally giving - even when it's dark outside... Surrendering the half truths, lies, and lust that have for so long tried to protect me, but availed me nothing, I am discovering that in connection to God I am whole, and by shedding those character defects I am blossoming like a spring flower. It's not always warmth and comfort, but being gentle and patient with myself gives me the strength to live in compassion for all.

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Emerging from the sadness that always seems like the end, ah, how wonderful it feels to feel the summertime breeze and serenity at last. But never become complacent, for lust is always ready to strike, and this peaceful serenity is just one stop on the road trip to peak existence.

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Turning over my life to my higher power has given me new growth, a sense of nature-like peace, an opportunity to be enveloped by the fresh and lively rain of divine energy together with the fluid nature of reality.

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Shedding the layers of my past that have held back my potential, the seed that God planted in my soul is now freshly growing into a juicy and delicious fruit within me - one whose sweetness has powered my connection to God and others and made me whole without being selfishly dependent on another.

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Scarred by my past, determined as a pirate after their booty, I have immeasurable gratitude for the grit, glorious friendships, bravery and moral way of living I have discovered.

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With a broad back and pure mind, I sit grounded at the mountain top, allowing my soul to shine through, glowing with and illuminated by unconditional love.

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Rebuilding the relationship with my inner child has helped me to love him and cherish him in a heartfelt way always. The new growth has illuminated a new truth - that reality is often sad when others are unknowingly acting from their inner child, but its given me the ability to be a loving compassionate superhero when I just remember to smile.

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Oh what excitement I have at the field of opportunities for true love that lies all around me, beautiful, mature partners to build a life with. But with this excitement comes mixed feelings, serenity stuck in a hypnotic state, attached to an abstract, carnal temptation of the young woman. Angry at my lost childhood, scared I will never experience that intimate desire again.

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In full surrender to God's trusted guidance, I feel that I am ascending layers of heavenly skies, beaming with divine light, experiencing flow and the joyous freedom of rebirth.

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Confident on solid ground, looking above at the free flowing sky of opportunity, I watch the destruction and mayhem as the passionate flames burn the obstacles in front of me.

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As I look over the horizon at my future goals, I am thankful for the solid grounding my new growth has given me. Being able to start from a blank slate in warmth and love is truly a blessing.

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Through the fractured serenity, the dark cloud of shame that has polluted my pure heart due to my compromised integrity threatens me to pursue dark paths. Yet the reaching hand from God realigns me to the inviting light of the paths that brighten my soul and stop the round-about.

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Trying to uplift myself after a week of challenging and layered problems, has been a continued growth process. Despite my physical overwhelm, God's love continues to show how in every layer of problem, is a solution bursting with potential, turning a bitter pill into a sweet dessert.

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Persevering the difficult trek through the long tunnel of recovery, what was once a distant pixel of light far away in darkness has now revealed itself to be a beautiful world where a new opportunity has set my heart on fire. An opportunity for intimacy and love I never thought possible or felt worthy of. Immersed in a sea of emotion, I know my heart will never drown, for His love for me is infinite and my love for others is powered by the divine light that shines eternal from my soul.

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Like a cool breeze, the spiritual ocean pierces the sky, bringing me calm and collectedness, like the deep sea life beneath the ocean waves.

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Feeling trapped in life, everything surrounding me blazing me with anxiety, almost at my breaking point in flames and intense heat. But deep inside I am cool, I continue to surrender to divine intelligence and the blue flame where life begins grows more fruitful within.

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On this day of immense suffering, I must not live on fantasy or feel that the clock is ticking, for I must trust the process and understand that growth is nonlinear in time. Let me jag pass, God will deliver all that I want.

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Reflecting on the whirlwind,
I am proud of my ability to stay controlled in the chaos in my new life.
Out of the sacrifices I’ve made, fresh growth in all aspects has emerged, and while my body and mind have been temporarily harmed, I am spared from destruction by spirit.

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Proud of my new growth, I feel fresh and vibrant, embracing the energy of the new year. But it is not the energy of the new year that makes me glisten as a fresh and juicy fruit does who is beautifully ripe. It is the hand of spirit that I know supports me and grounds me for eternity.

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So much fun to be had, but deep down I want the real thing - intimacy. Terrified to live and let loose, because I can’t afford to be hurt again. I feel trapped by fear. Sure I trust God, but I know how much I suffer when things go wrong, and I’m scared to fall into the abyss. Trusting if I do fall, God’s balloons will lift me to serenity. Torn apart by the dilemma, I feel tormented and alone.

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As I give my inner child the warm fathers embrace he never had, I feel loving protection, safe and surrendered, at home in my heart. My deep longing is filled one hug at a time as I nurture, father myself, guard myself and return home.

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As the internal healing continues, I am finding momentum jumping through flames in my quest to the holy grail on the road to gold. Protected by spirit on this worthwhile journey, I can never succumb to the fiery blaze as I conquer the scary passage through the flames.

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Finally feeling whole at the end of this process of rebirth, my life is a rich tapestry imbued in a great divine flow. The swirl of emotion has quieted as I have learned to trust God and that I can trust myself to love and protect my inner child. This trust has been built from being willing to die and face my fears on a daily basis for the life that I want to live everyday. This newfound freedom empowers me to hold onto my power, stay in serenity and value myself highly. Seizing the opportunity to thrive and burning with excitement.

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Like an astronaut venturing out on an unfamiliar planet, limited by his spacesuit, I walk through my everyday routine shrouded in faceless overwhelm. Even though it feels like I am in an abyss, I was just days ago blissful and life was sweet as a marshmallow. Leaning on spirit for guidance, I keep reaching out to God, even when he feels far away and just a little blue marble, even when he seems like a ghost on the moon, because under everything I trust in my core that everything is happening just as it should, and part of his plan. I tremble when I feel him not near, but I know he will accept me and guide my return, and that serenity is on the horizon.

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With so much gratitude I reflect on my life as the fires have been replaced by a lush field of growth. It has become so clear that at the root of everything has been one central wound, one central message. And from that message I still feel not able to conquer this final frontier. The only thing missing in my life is the thing that has always been missing. I see now that this wound is being healed by a beautiful rose, and all my hard work will result in a fruitful harvest for last she was but a seedling. What used to be a gaping hole in me will be filled with the most beautiful flower and complete my field. Part by God and part by her. Fading away is my trauma and this flower gift from God blooms and pollinator women all around me. So many options yet with awareness none yet seem to be right and so the deprivation and wound remains open. Raw and frustrating, this ball of unreleased sexual energy drives me mad, but I am more than ever committed to my values and making sure it is only part of a connection. Spirit is telling me to stay focused - to walk the path that will lead me to my true destiny. Must continue this journey and break the chains of fear to be fully in my own path ready to receive.

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The recent breakthroughs and trauma release have empowered me to create space for myself and let the veil of negativity fade. While I always look for the paved road in life, the hidden fears remind me daily, that no such road exists. I must celebrate the diverse parts of my life and continue to follow the divine light within. Juggle the balls of life and remember everything is a mochi and only an issue if I let it become one.

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I am reminded that todays felt pain is simply the shadow of yesterday’s false truth. That real truth can be discovered only in presence, for reality itself is impermanent, the past is not real and the future is a fantasy. Amor Fati, or the love of one’s fate, keeps my soul on fire, free and joyful in the present, and an eternal source of optimism - for every moment in life is to be celebrated. I am reminded that I am stronger than I think I am over self and that true happiness is always the product of surrender to and love of the unknown.

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From this new growth base, finding the delicate balance of moderation, I face life challenges. It’s as if I’m looking out from the cave that has been my refuge at the explosion of possibility, and grateful for the wishing stars that smile upon me.